If you’ve recently had a baby and can’t remember the last time you and your partner went on a date, you are not alone. Yep. Me too.
After you have a baby, your days are filled with feeding, diaper changes, coaxing the small human to sleep, calming them down from a major meltdown and laundry. Lots and lots of laundry.
Somehow each day is so long but there seems to be no time to talk to your partner about anything other than the baby.What did the baby eat today? Did the baby poop? How often? When should the baby sleep next? No time to connect as a romantic couple. And definitely, no time to squeeze a date into the day.
Well, there is good news: date night doesn’t have to be a thing of the past. I’m going to share a few strategies that have made it possible for my partner and me to take time for our relationship. Yes, I’m saying it here. It is possible to have time to talk about something other than your beautiful child AND you can have the conversation somewhere other than your house.
Make Time Together A Priority
First off, I think it is important to establish with your partner that time together IS a priority. After having my son, not only did it feel like he was my main priority but often it felt like he was my only priority. When I started to let other items find their way into my priority list, they tended to be things like household chores, exercise, and sleep. These things were important but I forgot to include spending quality time with my husband on the list.
Taking time to connect with your partner is important to keep your relationship strong. It helps you to remember that you aren’t only parenting together but you connect on a friendship and romantic level. This can be hard to remember when your partner sees you day after day unshowered and with old milk splattered down your shirt. But remember they love you and are probably happy to make time for prioritizing the romantic relationship.
Decide with your partner how you will make time together a priority. Does that mean setting aside time each day to spend quality time together? This could be watching a show together each night after the baby goes to bed. Or maybe this means committing to a date night once a week or every other week or once a month. We landed on once a month because that felt do-able and we’ve stuck to it.
Put It On The Calendar
Schedule your next date. In fact, schedule your next 3 dates. Write them on the calendar. Doing this makes it a commitment and encourages you to make it happen. Give yourself enough time in advance to find child care, make a plan for what you’ll do on the date, and work the cost of the date into your budget.
It is good to have this conversation with your partner so you are on the same page. This also makes it less likely to be skipped.
Make Date Night Happen
Okay, now we are all on the same page and are making quality time with our partner a priority. Now what? How do we actually have time set aside to leave the house without our baby?
Here are some of the tactics that we’ve used to make date night happen:
Baby Swap
My sister has a son that is two months older than our son. When the boys were about a year old we started doing something we called “Baby Swap”. My sister’s family would come to visit us and then we would take turns going on dates while the other couple babysat.
For example, she and her husband would go to the movies. Meanwhile, my husband and I would take the boys to the park. When my sister and her husband got home, my husband and I would head out to do something fun.
This system works well because both couples are interested in going on a date and used to watching kids. On the flip side, it is easier to babysit when you have a partner. As a great added bonus the kids love it because they have a playmate.
Ask any friends you know that have kids if they might be interested in doing a Baby Swap. I’ve mentioned this idea to other parents and it has been well received. If you find a couple that is interested, you might be able to coordinate a reoccurring Baby Swap.
Date Night In
I’m sure you’ve seen a million posts on Pinterest titled “25 Cheap And Easy Ideas For Date Night In”. So I’ll keep it short. Try a date night in. Yes, you’re not going anywhere, but it is still so much fun to do.
A couple of things we like to do are: play card games (cribbage is our current favorite), play board games, watch a movie, read together and eat.
If you want to spice up your Date Night In, try inviting a couple of friends over after baby goes to bed. Remember your friends that don’t have kids probably won’t think 9pm is late for a visit. Call them up. Have a group game night.
Book A Nanny
If you don’t have friends or family that can watch your child, try utilizing a childcare service. The options (and pricing) will vary depending on where you live. Yes, this can be expensive but it might be worth it. You can do a cheap date to balance out the overall cost.
Daily Quality Time
Last, but certainly not least, connect with your partner on a daily basis. This way, even if you don’t go out on a date you will have quality time together. Perhaps designate the first half hour after your child goes to sleep as your quality time. No cell phones, computers, tv, or talk about the baby. Just time to connect.
Now you’re ready to get back to having dates! Being a parent and a partner is tough work. It is exhausting. But I believe you can start finding a new balance between the two. Try out some of these strategies and be open to new ones.
How do you make sure Date Night happens? I’d love to hear how you work Date Night into your busy schedule! Let me know in the comments!
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