About a year into working at my first “real” job out of college, one of my senior teammates told me that he had given me a thumbs down after my in-person interview. I got a job offer because only three people had applied and the top candidate declined the offer. The third candidate was completely awful, and they were under pressure to fill the role quickly.
To provide some background– I had no idea that there would be a technical screen on the phone. I was expecting a typical “tell me about a time when…” interview. (Yes, I know this is naive, a quick Google search, or simply asking the recruiter what was coming could have helped me to be prepared). Needless to say, I completely bombed the technical screen. Question after question I either made my best guess or said: “I don’t know”.
To my complete surprise, they invited me to do an in-person interview. I studied so hard for this interview. I made sure I could answer all of the questions I was asked during my phone screen. And in fact, at my in-person interview, I was asked a lot of the same questions. This time I was able to answer them confidently, and more importantly, correctly.
I gladly accepted the job offer. In the role, I worked hard to prove I could be successful. I tried to learn everything I could in order to produce quality work. I spent hours and hours reading over relevant documentation, taking code reviews to heart, and studying my co-worker’s code.
So I wasn’t surprised when my teammate told me he didn’t think I should have been offered my position. I had performed poorly on the phone technical screen, which is a valid reason to pass on an applicant. But my teammate didn’t end this conversation by saying how much I’d surprised him or that I’d come a long way. He wanted to let me know exactly why I was extended an offer.
Maybe he was also saying he didn’t think it was good practice to extend job offers just because we need to fill a role and are under a tight deadline. But this wasn’t the first time I had suspected he doubted me. I already lacked confidence in my own abilities. Hearing someone else outright tell me that I shouldn’t have my job, strongly reinforced my own self-doubt.
I am writing about this experience because these interactions happen all the time in tech. I have a feeling other women or minorities in tech are constantly reminded of why they shouldn’t be here. We are reminded that certain people did not (and still do not) think they are qualified to have their job. No matter how hard we work to prove otherwise. Unfortunately, this kind of feedback speaks so much louder than praise. It is hard to forget these kinds of words.
So how do we build a foundation that allows us the quiet the negative feedback? I’ve been working in tech for (almost) ten years. Others still question my abilities. I still have days where I question my own abilities. But the negativity doesn’t speak as loudly to me anymore. This is how I built a foundation to quiet the noise.
Build a Strong Team of Supporters
One of the biggest things that have helped me find confidence is finding a team of supporters. These are people who not only cheer on my achievements, provide comfort during tough times, but also aren’t afraid to give tough advice. I’ve learned how to be a better engineer, leader, and colleague through this support system.
To find your team, look for the people around you who are willing to spend a little extra time to answer your questions. Look for people who seem genuinely interested in how your career is going and where it is headed. Take time to get to know these people.
Find a great manager
I’ve been lucky enough to have had some awesome managers in my career. When I’m considering a new position one of the biggest deciding factors is whether or not my manager will be a good fit for me. I look for a manager who is talented, interested in providing growth opportunities for members of the team and that meets regularly with the people they manage. Ideally, my manager will be an advocate and help me grow toward my career goals. This does not mean I try to find managers that will only sing my praises. Rather, I look for ones that will provide honest feedback about where my shortcomings are and provide opportunities to help me grow.
When you are interviewing for a new position, ask the manager as many questions as you need to see if they will be a good fit for you. If you have the opportunity, ask the team about their manager’s leadership style. It can be tough to really know what you are getting into with a new manager, but by asking questions during the interview process you can make a more informed decision about whether the fit of the leadership style.
Become a resource
Build your technical confidence by becoming a resource in a specific niche. Start with something you already know or pick something no one else wants to do. When I was at my first job, my team purchased a third party software tool. We knew that the tool could add value to our lives, but no one seemed to want to dive into reading all of the documentation. So I did it. Even though I was the most junior person on the team, reading the documentation allowed me to know the most about this particular tool. Pretty soon my senior teammates were asking me how to do things with this tool. Becoming known as a resource for this helped me find validation that I belonged and that I was adding value to my team.
Documentation can be boring and often times as an engineer we just want to know how to do something and move on without going too deep. Take the time to go deep and really get to know something.
Learn from mistakes
Here is the hard part of working in any industry– you are going to make mistakes. I failed at my technical phone screen. And I wish I could say that was the last big mistake I had at that job (or any job), but it wasn’t. But I learned a lot from each failure. Each time I fail, I grow a little more. I learn something and I don’t make the same mistake twice.
You are going to fail. If you are growing and doing new things, the mistakes you make might even be getting bigger than you’ve ever made before, and that is scary. Learn from the mistakes and keep going.
Lift others up
Be a supporter of other women and minorities in tech. If you have the opportunity to recognize someone else’s hard work, do it. A kind word goes a long way and helps to build a community of support. For me, this is a practiced skill that I have to consciously think about. As an engineer, we are trained to review code, spot bugs and point out flaws. We don’t get too much training on how to give positive feedback but it is just as important. Even a positive comment on a code review goes a lot way.
Don’t let the negativity get you down. You belong here. You are capable, deserving and your voice is needed in this industry. Build your confidence and allies around you so that when someone questions your abilities, you’ll know their question isn’t valid.
And remember, not everyone is going to be your supporter. That’s ok, they aren’t your people. Look for the people who are.
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